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Well done. Hey look, another double entendre. Good job, us. Anyway, despite literally everything we've mentioned so far, Marvin doesn't remember this job as particularly pleasant.

A month into the job, there's no way I could be aroused by an XXX movie. It was moving wallpaper, basically. It's still like that.

If I see an xHamster clip or whatever, it has no effect on me whatsoever By the seventh or eighth month, I dreaded working there. Once the novelty wears off, you notice the atmosphere is thick with loneliness, yearning, and dissatisfaction.

I still associate all porn with those feelings, which is probably why I don't like it anymore. By being exposed to so much porn, Marvin eventually started seeing the man behind the curtain.

And once he threw that pervert out of the theater, he also noticed that porn is kind of depressing behind the scenes. The illusion is lost on me.

That girl in the movie is paying bills. Most of the time, her vagina isn't wet. So much porn with dry vaginas!

And no one cares. It's fake. It's like wrestling. Imagine how much time that frees up for Marvin! He could cure cancer. Or start playing Minecraft.

Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist, interviewer, and editor. Contact him at c. Have a story to share with Cracked?

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Sitting in a booth with no money in the machine while you desperately try to grunt out a quick one is just not acceptable. You see, the concept really is simple yet I feel the need to break it down for you.

If I go to McDonalds, order a cheese burger and eat it, I would not be allowed to sit there and eat unlimited cheese burgers all fucking day because I paid for the first one.

This one is important, so pay it some fucking attention. Please wait until you are in the arcade to cruise for dick. That is just fucking stupid you moron.

My job is to police the arcade and sell shit. I do not need a play by play description of what you were just doing. Keep it to yourself or write it in your journal or whatever.

Just leave me out of it, I will not be impressed, seriously. If you pee in the trashcans and I catch you you will be cleaning that booth and I will be berating you the entire time it takes you.

You sick fucker what the fuck did your mother teach you when you were little. I will then take your fucking picture and show it to every one who works here.

You will never be allowed back in, EVER!!!!!! Share on SMS. Share via Email. By Isabel Zacharias. The first thing you learn is not to sit down.

The auditorium is concrete and cavernous, the insulation visibly crumbling from the high ceiling. The guy in the striped polo shirt showing us around is probably in his early 30s, making him the youngest person here by a decade.

UUHHH s coming from the people in the room, reclining on a hodgepodge of floral-patterned couches that serve as the only seating in the place.

There are five guys jacking off in a circle around them, and I realize the porn is just white noise for the sex in the room. This is a meeting place for swingers, exhibitionists, voyeurs and curious hangers-on to get off and get each other off.

3 comments

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